Increase in Gas Prices Lead to More Popped Collars

This is something that as a problem is dying down nowadays due to the cold weather, but still something that I wanted to rant about because of how mad it made me. If I were to write a newspaper article it would go a lot like this:

Recently all around the country in areas dense in college student population there has been a significant rise in the presence of popped collars. This phenomenon has been seen as a plague sweeping the nation, turning good, wholesome young men into total and complete homos. With origins arguably coming from the world of rap, "collar popping" has seeped into suburban communities, predominately in southern California and Arizona, where fads tend to rule to the ebb and flow of a fickle fashion based youth. For those readers out there who aren't quite sure what it is I'm talking about (because they are sensible enough to not pay attention to idiocy) popping your collar goes something like this:



As you can see, popping collars often tend to result as well in: A) pink shirts, B) stupid hat combinations, and C) really gay, "I think I'm awesome poses." And I know what many of you out there are thinking... "How could we possibly let this happen to our youth?" How could we indeed. Experts, in a recent projection (that I made up for this article), speculated that if the fad were to continue at the rate we are seeing today, within 15 years 165 countries around the world would officially consider us the gayest nation on Earth. Of those 165 countries all European Union nations, England and Russia were included. Imagine that, knowing that France thinks you're gayer than they are.

So how are we letting this happen? What is going on that is making this happen so rampantly? Oddly enough, this dangerous "disease" is spawning from the large increases in gasoline prices throughout America. In college towns we have seen this crunch in one main demographic, that of college students swapping out their cars for a more "economical" means of transportation. And in this situation, we find our culprit.


The Scooter. Small yes, not very powerful. Or is it? Perhaps these scooters, with an average power of 100cc, pack more of a punch than most would assume. But that power comes in the form of confidence for young men everywhere who otherwise would not have the guts to pop their collars, until suddenly and almost magically the presence of "scooter gangs" find for them a home and protective force field wherein their faddish expression can flourish. But is this a truly bad thing? Is that as dangerous as we really are making it sound?

Yes, yes it is. Many, perhaps even 98.99% of young people riding scooters do not deserve to do so. From a more opinionated standpoint, I think it's crazy even that they can be riding on the roads without passing a special scooter/motorcycle course and test. This leads to young people everywhere riding 45 mph and faster on a road with nothing but shorts, a popped collared pink shirt, hideous aviator glasses, frosted hair, and flip flops. As if they want to be killed by even the slightest pebble coming out of a tire and boppin' em on the head. They ignore traffic laws, act as if they are foot traffic, and assume that every car on the road is aware of them. I don't know about anyone else, but I personally have tried to help a young man who had been hit by a car whose scooter was torn to shreds and he was thrown like a rag doll. I saw it from the road and ran to help him. After cutting his sweater away from being up and over his head, I looked into his eyes and saw the last moments of his life. He died on the way to the hospital. He's not the only one who has died because of these scooters.

Now, Italy has proven that scooters are not a bad thing by themselves. But they have helmets, and Italians have always been known to be fashionable, and can pull things like this off. We just plain don't have the history to say we're cool enough for this type of fad. And it's put us in a hole that this guy doesn't see a way out of now.

Your thoughts?